It only ever rains when you have not got an umbrella.
Never buy a hot dog from a mobile un-licenced seller.
Cobbles look quaint but they will damage your back.
The heels on your shoes will wear down and crack.

If beer is less than a fiver you’re in the wrong place.
If waiting to be served, you’ll have the wrong face.
No matter how good the service never tip a barman.
You’ll be ripped of enough, that’s some sort of karma.

Anyone shaking a tin is short of a few quid to go out.
It is always the cyclist’s fault, that’s never in doubt.
Umbrellas are vicious you need a licence own one.
Never pocket a folded up one as it looks like a gun.

Don’t converse with a vagrant, there’s nothing stranger.
If you’ve found a quiet spot, you’re probably in danger.
All foreign tourists come with a big health warning.
Be assured a crap day always follows a crap morning.